well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Your cock deserves a montage
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
