Heybabeimwearingurpanties
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
