WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
