I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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