Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
