WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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