Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
