dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
