I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
