just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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