dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
