You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
