1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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