So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
