If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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