Yo dont text me then not text me
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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