If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
