garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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