What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Randomize
