I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
