is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
