Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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