the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
