There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
