Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
