if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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