Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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