I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I've blown a few things in my day
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
