If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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