dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
