i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
