I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
