ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
wanna go halves on a baby?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
