so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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