2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
