I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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