My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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