Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
