I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
be right there i have to get my cape
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
