If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
