So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
