I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Randomize
