you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
