Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
