Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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