well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
