I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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