They should really pass out barf bags in church
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
