my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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