They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
