He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
