singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
