Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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