You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
how does that bad decision feel?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
